Lapham’s Quarterly

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve and from which he cannot escape.

The fox knows lots of tricks, the hedgehog only one—but it’s a winner.

Man is no man, but a wolf, to a stranger.

Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.

A dog starved at his master’s gate / Predicts the ruin of the state.

A bull contents himself with one meadow, and one forest is enough for a thousand elephants; but the little body of a man devours more than all other living creatures.

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.

I hate the sight of monkeys; they remind me so of poor relations.

The righteous know the needs of their animals, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel.

An ape will be an ape, though clad in purple.

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

Alas! We are ridiculous animals.

In every man is a wild beast; most of them don’t know how to hold it back, and the majority give it full rein when they are not restrained by terror of law.

The elephant, although a gross beast, is yet the most decent and most sensible of any other upon earth. Although he never changes his female, and hath so tender a love for her whom he hath chosen, yet he never couples with her but at the end of every three years, and then only for the space of five days.

Every ass thinks himself worthy to stand with the king’s horses.

A good dog, sir, deserves a good bone.

Do you not see how God is praised by those in the heavens and those on earth? The very birds praised Him as they wing their way.

Life is no way to treat an animal.

Go to the ant, you lazybones; consider its ways, and be wise.

There are some who, if a cat accidentally comes into the room, though they neither see it nor are told of it, will presently be in a sweat and ready to die away.

Every creature in the world is like a book and a picture, to us, and a mirror.

One of the animals which a generous and sociable man would soonest become is a dog. A dog can have a friend; he has affections and character; he can enjoy equally the field and the fireside; he dreams, he caresses, he propitiates; he offends and is pardoned; he stands by you in adversity; he is a good fellow.

Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.

Be a good animal, true to your animal instincts.

Who hears the fishes when they cry?

It is remarkable that only small birds properly sing.

What delight can there be, and not rather displeasure, in hearing the barking and howling of dogs? Or what greater pleasure is there to be felt when a dog followeth a hare than when a dog followeth a dog?

Imitate the ass in his love to his master.

Animals are such agreeable friends—they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.

Happiness is a warm puppy.

We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words.

Animals are in possession of themselves; their soul is in possession of their body. But they have no right to their life, because they do not will it. 

There be beasts that, at a year old, observe more, and pursue that which is for their good more prudently, than a child can do at ten.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals—except the weasel.

Man is merely a more perfect animal than the rest. He reasons better.

Man is a noble animal, splendid in ashes and pompous in the grave.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Man, when perfected, is the best of animals, but when separated from law and justice, he is the worst of all. 

Man and animals are really the conduit of food, the sepulcher of animals, and resting place of the dead, one causing the death of the other, making themselves the covering for the corruption of other dead bodies.

Keep running after a dog, and he will never bite you.

Animals are good to think with.

I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar animal, but if you think about him carefully, you will find that his nonvulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine nature—not in his insensitive hide, nor in his clumsy foot, but in the way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way; and in his sensitive trunk, and still more sensitive mind, and capability of pique on points of honor.

Animals, in their generation, are wiser than the sons of men, but their wisdom is confined to a few particulars, and lies in a very narrow compass.

Men, my dear, are very queer animals—a mixture of horse nervousness, ass stubbornness, and camel malice.

Who sleepeth with dogs shall rise with fleas.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

How like to us is that filthy beast the ape.

Cows are among the gentlest of breathing creatures; none show more passionate tenderness to their young when deprived of them—and, in short, I am not ashamed to profess a deep love for these quiet creatures.

Of all the creatures that breathe and creep on the surface of the earth, none is more to be pitied than man.

Man is a troublesome animal and therefore is not very manageable.